Author: Ardella Kessler
Lopez the Heavy is the unsung hero of Blood Gulch, and by “hero,” I mean “guy who’s stuck fixing everything while the Reds yell at each other.” He’s a robot who only speaks Spanish in a team of English-speaking morons, and you can feel his silent judgment in every monotone line. Sarge built him, but Lopez clearly wishes he hadn’t.
The comedy gold is how he’s the only competent one, yet no one understands him. He’s out there repairing Warthogs and plotting revenge, while Simmons translates his insults into something polite. Lopez is the straight man who’s secretly roasting everyone, and we’re here for it.
Favorite Lopez moment? When he got his own head blown off and still managed to be more useful than Grif. He’s the robot therapist Blood Gulch doesn’t deserve, stuck in a canyon of idiots forever.