Author: Ardella Kessler
Caboose is a walking, talking error code in human form. This guy’s so dumb, he makes Grif look like a rocket scientist—and that’s saying something. In Blood Gulch, where everyone’s got their quirks, Caboose stands out as the guy who’d accidentally team-kill his own shadow if it wore blue armor. And yet, somehow, he’s the heart of the team.
Take his friendship with Church, for example. Church hates him—actively, vocally hates him—but Caboose just keeps coming back with that puppy-dog energy. “Church is my best friend!” he says, right after accidentally blowing him up. It’s like he’s programmed to love the unlovable, and in Blood Gulch, that’s a full-time job.
My favorite Caboose moment? When he named his rifle “Freckles” and treated it like a pet. Only Caboose could turn a weapon into a therapy animal. He’s a glitch in the system, sure, but without him, the Blues would be way too competent—and way less fun.