Author: Laurence Dooley
Let’s be real: Sarge’s shotgun isn’t just a weapon—it’s a lifestyle. In the dusty hellscape of Blood Gulch, where the Reds and Blues bicker over nothing, that shotgun is the only thing keeping Sarge’s fragile grip on sanity. Every episode, he’s itching to blast a Blue—or Grif—into next week, and honestly, who can blame him? The man’s got a war to win, even if it’s against his own team half the time.
Think about it: without that shotgun, Sarge would just be a loud guy in red armor yelling at a flag. It’s the ultimate sidekick—more reliable than Simmons’ brown-nosing and less likely to talk back than Grif’s endless whining. There’s a poetic beauty in how it never actually solves anything, yet Sarge treats it like the key to victory. Maybe it’s not about winning; maybe it’s about sending a message—one loud, buckshot-filled message.
My favorite moment? When Sarge tried to “fix” Lopez the robot with it. Spoiler: it didn’t work, but the sheer commitment to violence as a solution deserves a medal. In Blood Gulch, where logic goes to die, that shotgun is the unsung hero keeping Sarge’s chaotic dreams alive.